I strived to be successful at school!
I was a people pleaser!
I did what was expected of me!
I was desperate to meet those traditional expectations of what good girls did!
Good girls do well at school!
Good girls go to university!
Good girls get married and have 2.4 children!
When I look back on my life, I think all that time I was driven by an urge to prove myself good enough and that urge meant that I always pushed myself hard. And in the traditional sense, I was utterly successful! I got the degree, I qualified as a teacher and I became headteacher by the time I was 39. And all that whilst managing my busy life with two children and a husband with mental health issues.
But I was still not happy!
I was still frustrated!
I still kept pushing forward!
And then I reached a new level of busy when I ended my 17-year marriage. I went through stages of grief and relief, but my already busy life moved to a whole new level.
I went out too much nightclubbing.
I turned to alcohol for relief.
I threw myself into online dating.
And I did all these things to a ridiculous level, whilst still holding down my job as a Headteacher.
I had taken busy to a whole new level. And guess what?
I still wasn’t happy.
I still felt frustrated.
My self-care became less and less of a priority every day.
And when I pushed myself even further and moved to my second Headship within a year of the end of my marriage my ridiculous life reached a whole new level of crazy. But it only lasted a matter of months.
It was just on ordinary Tuesday when I arrived at school as I had done many times before. But that day, something inside me finally broke! As I looked at my computer, the years of frustration, stress and lack of self-care finally became too much. That was the day I didn’t even have the motivation to bend down and switch on my computer.
The day I lost all my motivation!
The day I finally burnt out!
The day I lost my sparkle!
The day I walked out of work and never went back.
I can’t even remember how I got to the medical centre, but I do remember that at the end of the conversation with the practise nurse, I was given a diagnosis of depression. This was a shock to me and everyone who knew me but now I look back on my life in the run up to that day it’s not really a surprise that I reached the point of burn out.
From the outside I appeared to have everything; career, family, nice house etc. But on the inside, I was full of self-doubt and questions about whether I was doing enough, being enough and achieving enough. On top of that, I had a very noisy inner critic and a lack of self-care and self-prioritisation. I also spent far too many years in a relationship which was not right for me.
Despite all this, I had kept going!
I had held everything together!
I had made sure everything was right!
I was off work for a whole year as I tried to heal my body and my mind.
I got help!
I went on a journey of self-discovery!
I uncovered that years of poor self-care habits, dodgy thinking and stress had led me to that point of burn out.
I realised that I had felt frustrated about so many things for years. But I also realised that I could change!
After that year of being off sick from work, I resigned from my 20-year career and then through the receipt of a random email I trained as a hypnotherapist and then as a coach. As well as helping others, I have been on a remarkable journey learning about how my lifestyle and thinking led to the burnout I suffered.
I have come to realise that it was the habits of thinking and lifestyle (or lack of them) that had led me down a path of frustration, stress and eventual burnout.
As I went on my journey to heal, I learnt how to think better thoughts and how much impact that could have on my life. I learnt how small, gradual habit changes could really revolutionise how I felt every day and help me to have the energy levels, health and body I always wanted.
I changed the way I thought.
I increased my self-care.
I started to prioritise me.
I realised that the more good habits I could install, the more I could create a foundation for my future health and happiness.
I worked on my stress levels using tools such as meditation.
I installed thinking habits to help me think more positively.
I established a better set of habits around food.
And now, I am the happiest, healthiest version of me.
I have a wonderful new career where I get to help other people be happy and healthier every day
As I enter this next phase of my life, there are some challenges around my wellbeing related to the menopause, but I truly know that having good self-care and thinking habits is helping me to wake up every day and sparkle.
If you can resonate with my story and think I can help you, please book a discovery call now.