calm busy woman at a desk

Discover the Secret to Sustainable Calm

Emotional Resilience and Inner Calm
December 06, 2024•4 min read

When Everything Goes Wrong: A Lesson in Calm

This morning has been one of those mornings. Tech failure city as I tried to create a live video this morning. And yet, it’s the perfect setup for the topic of the day: discovering the secret to sustainable calm.

To give you an idea of my morning, here’s the list: my camera wasn’t working, no matter what I tried—no camera showing in the devices, endless rounds of Microsoft troubleshooting, and finally a required BIOS update with warnings galore about saving all my work. I went ahead with it, and for a moment, I thought I’d murdered my laptop. It half-started, then didn’t start, and there I was thinking, That’s it—it’s dead. My entire business runs on this thing, and I don’t have a grand and a half for a new one right before Christmas.

What’s funny is, even with all of that, I wasn’t stressed. My mind went into its predictable stories—doom, gloom, and panic—but I could watch it and even laugh a little. Not so long ago, I’d have gone down a very different path, the one many of my clients find themselves on.

The Path of Overwhelm

Back then, I would have felt completely overwhelmed, physically tense, and probably rushing to fix everything as quickly as possible—looking for webcams on Amazon and trying to make myself feel better by doing. And isn’t that what we all do when stress kicks in? We search for the solution to solve it all, whether it’s buying new tech, fixing something, or distracting ourselves.

But this morning, I just waited. The computer reset, and the camera worked again. And this is what sustainable calm looks like.

What Stress Really Is

Stress isn’t the situation itself; it’s our thoughts about the situation. In that moment, our thoughts cloud our clarity and make calm seem unattainable. But here’s the thing: calm is always there. It’s not far away—it’s right there, even in the middle of the chaos.

For many of my clients, this idea feels impossible at first. When you’re in the thick of stress, it feels relentless, overwhelming, and even physically exhausting. I remember feeling that way too, back when I was giving talks like Stress to Success Habits.

In those days, I was still looking for external solutions to fix myself. I had a whole presentation full of tools: meditation, gratitude journals, affirmations, vision boards—you name it. And while these things can feel helpful, they all pointed in the wrong direction.

The Subtractive Secret

The real secret to sustainable calm isn’t adding more tools and techniques. It’s subtracting the layers of thinking that cloud your natural calm. Calm is your essence, always there beneath the surface.

It’s like this: we’ve been conditioned to believe that we need to do something to fix ourselves. But calm doesn’t come from doing; it comes from realizing that there’s nothing to fix. When I talk about this with clients, I often say, “Calm is almost behind you—go back that way.”

With The Thriving Woman Approach, we explore how calm naturally emerges when we shift our perspective. It’s not about doing more; it’s about noticing what’s already there.

A Different Relationship with Emotions

This doesn’t mean you won’t feel stress or anxiety. You will. But the difference is in how you relate to those feelings. Recently, I’ve had moments of tension and anxiety, and I could feel the energy moving through my body. But even in those moments, calm was there too.

The problem isn’t the emotions—it’s our habit of chasing them away. Sustainable calm allows all emotions to exist without resistance. When we stop fighting them, they pass on their own.

Real Calm in Real Life

This morning was a perfect example. There I was, noticing the tension in my body and my mind going into its crazy doom-and-gloom stories. Thoughts like, Do I need to buy a laptop on credit? Ugh, going tech shopping—what a nightmare! But instead of reacting, I just watched it all pass by.

A follower recently asked me, “When I observe my thoughts, they disappear—why is that?” Isn’t that amazing? That’s the power of awareness. Calm isn’t a tool; it’s this awareness.

Even when things feel chaotic, you can connect to a calm that doesn’t rely on fixing, solving, or doing. It’s sustainable because it’s always there, even when you’re feeling anxious.

The Journey to Thriving

This is the work we do with The Thriving Woman Approach. It’s about discovering that calm is already within you and learning to let it emerge naturally. It’s a subtractive approach—letting go of what isn’t serving you and reconnecting with your essence.

If this resonates with you, please check out the Thriving Woman Masterclass here.

It’s a journey that can truly change your life.

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Clare is passionate about empowering high-achieving Gen X women to break free from stress, overthinking, and perfectionism. Through her transformational courses, group programs, and bespoke 1:1 coaching, she guides women on a journey toward emotional resilience, inner alignment, and authentic connection. Her unique "Thriving Woman" approach helps women shift from feeling overwhelmed and disconnected to living with clarity, balance, and self-worth. Participants learn to release self-doubt, embrace imperfections, and reconnect with their true values. They go from striving for external validation to confidently making decisions aligned with their deepest purpose. Women who work with Clare experience real, lasting changes—they feel more grounded and calmer, confidently set boundaries, and navigate life’s challenges with grace. They stop overthinking and gain mental clarity, creating space for meaningful relationships and self-care. Her clients find themselves thriving in both their personal and professional lives, no longer driven by perfectionism but by a sense of inner peace and authentic self-expression. Imagine living a life where you lead with confidence, maintain emotional balance, and embrace your worth without hesitation. This is what is possible with the Thriving Woman Approach.

Clare Downham

Clare is passionate about empowering high-achieving Gen X women to break free from stress, overthinking, and perfectionism. Through her transformational courses, group programs, and bespoke 1:1 coaching, she guides women on a journey toward emotional resilience, inner alignment, and authentic connection. Her unique "Thriving Woman" approach helps women shift from feeling overwhelmed and disconnected to living with clarity, balance, and self-worth. Participants learn to release self-doubt, embrace imperfections, and reconnect with their true values. They go from striving for external validation to confidently making decisions aligned with their deepest purpose. Women who work with Clare experience real, lasting changes—they feel more grounded and calmer, confidently set boundaries, and navigate life’s challenges with grace. They stop overthinking and gain mental clarity, creating space for meaningful relationships and self-care. Her clients find themselves thriving in both their personal and professional lives, no longer driven by perfectionism but by a sense of inner peace and authentic self-expression. Imagine living a life where you lead with confidence, maintain emotional balance, and embrace your worth without hesitation. This is what is possible with the Thriving Woman Approach.

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