Struggling to Say No? How to Create Healthy Boundaries That Stick

Why Saying No Feels So Hard

Do you find it hard to say no? You’re not alone. So many of us feel the weight of constant requests, whether they’re from others or even from ourselves. For me, this started with the way I was brought up. I was taught to be a "good girl," and good girls don’t say no. If we did, it felt like we were disappointing someone—our parents, our teachers, or anyone who expected us to comply.

As women, particularly in my generation, this has carried into adulthood. We were the first generation given so much opportunity. We were told we could do it all, and somewhere along the way, we misunderstood that call to action. It wasn’t supposed to mean we had to do everything—it was about possibility, about choice. But instead, we’ve been saying yes to everything ever since.

And here’s the thing: you can’t keep saying yes to everything.

The Two Sides of Overextending

When it comes to boundaries, the struggle often has two layers.

The first is saying yes to others. Whether it’s at work, with family, or in our social lives, we feel obligated to please. We take on more than we can handle, and it leads to resentment—a deeply uncomfortable emotion that can fester when we feel used or undervalued.

The second, and perhaps more subtle layer, is saying yes to ourselves in ways that aren’t truly aligned with our needs. I’ve been there. In my journey, I climbed the career ladder rapidly, reaching the top as a headteacher, but something still felt empty. I thought saying yes to more—a busier social life, activities, new relationships—would fill that void.

What I didn’t realize then was that this overextension, even when directed at myself, wasn’t about care or self-love. It was about trying to fix how I felt by doing more. The result? Burnout.

The Cost of Saying Yes to Everything

This constant overextension takes a toll, both physically and emotionally. For me, it showed up as exhaustion, overwhelm, and even a loss of self-respect. My body was screaming at me to slow down, but I wasn’t listening. I was jittery, couldn’t sleep, and felt completely disoriented.

And here’s the truth: if I hadn’t hit burnout, I might have faced something far worse—serious health issues like a heart attack or stroke. Many women are on this same path, juggling too much and ignoring the signs their bodies are giving them to stop, rest, and realign.

A New Way to Approach Boundaries

Boundaries often feel rigid or permanent, like hard lines we draw to protect ourselves. But through The Thriving Woman Approach, I’ve come to see boundaries differently. They’re not just about saying no—they’re about aligning with what’s truly right for us, moment by moment.

This means listening to your body. Maybe your body is quietly asking, “Do you really need to go out tonight?” or “Could you say no to this one thing and give yourself the rest you need?” When we connect to our body from a place of calm and presence, what’s good for us becomes clear.

Of course, the mind will often jump in with predictable objections:

• “You can’t let that person down.”

• “You’re going to miss out if you say no.”

• “People will think you’re selfish or lazy.”

But the mind’s noise doesn’t have to guide our choices. When we build awareness and stay present, we can make decisions based on what truly serves us—not out of guilt or fear, but from self-respect and alignment.

Thriving Through Presence and Awareness

At the heart of creating healthy boundaries is presence. When we stop trying to control every detail of the future and focus on the here and now, we can feel into what’s truly right for us. Boundaries don’t have to be rigid—they can evolve based on what’s happening in your life.

One week, you might feel energized and say yes to social plans. The next, you might realize your schedule is too full and decide to stay in. That’s OK. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s an act of self-care.

Through The Thriving Woman Approach, we focus on raising awareness. We explore how the mind predictably tells us to overextend, how to recognize that pattern, and how to realign with our authentic needs. From this place of calm presence, boundaries can flow naturally.

Reclaim Your Power

Healthy boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about honouring yourself. They’re about saying yes to what truly matters and no to what doesn’t serve you, without guilt or fear.

If this resonates with you, The Thriving Woman Approach dives deeper into this process, guiding you to create a life where boundaries feel natural and aligned. Watch the Thriving Woman Masterclass to find out more about how you can be supported on this journey.

Take care, and remember—you have the power to choose what’s right for you.