woman meditating to chase calm

Why Chasing Calm Keeps It Out of Reach (and What to Do Instead)

Emotional Resilience and Inner Calm
December 19, 2024•4 min read

Are You Chasing Calm?

Today, let’s talk about chasing calm. Are you doing it? Are you aware that so much of what we do is driven by this need to feel calm?

It’s not just you. It’s me too—it’s all of us. We have this system that’s always trying to bring us back home, back to that place of peace and calm. That’s its entire purpose.

Everything we do—whether we realize it or not—is for that one reason.

The Universal Motivation

Now, you might look at your life, or someone else’s, and think, What is she talking about? Everything I do isn’t about feeling calm!

But take a closer look. Whether it’s having a glass of wine, meditating, or something else entirely, what we’re really looking for is peace.

The trouble is, there’s a huge misunderstanding in all of this. That feeling of peace we’re chasing? It’s already who we are. It’s at our core.

As Jack Pransky says, “All we are is peace, love, and wisdom, and the ability to create the illusion that we are not.”

The Illusion of Peace

When we do something—like meditate or have a glass of wine—and we suddenly feel calm, we think the thing we’ve done created that feeling.

But that’s not what’s happening. All that’s really happening is that we’ve been momentarily distracted from the thoughts that were taking us away from peace. The wine, the yoga, the meditation—they don’t create calm. They just give us a break from the illusion.

A Common Example

Let me give you an example that takes me back to my days as a school leader. I remember how many of my staff referred to “wine o’clock.” After a tough day, it became a routine to go home and have a glass of wine, believing it would help them feel better.

Picture this: You’ve had a terrible day. Maybe you’re a teacher dealing with a tricky class or someone navigating a hectic workday. You’re driving home, stressed and tense, replaying the day in your head and worrying about tomorrow.

Then your mind shifts. You start thinking about the wine you’ll have when you get home. You wonder, Do I need to stop at the shop? Have I got a bottle chilled? What kind will I have—red, white, or maybe rosé?

Suddenly, your thoughts are no longer on your stressful day. Your body begins to relax. And the wine hasn’t even touched your lips yet!

The Source of Our Feelings

What’s really happening here? Your feelings don’t come from the wine. They come from your thoughts.

Our feelings are created by the energy of thought in the moment. When we’re caught up in worrying about the past or the future, it feels awful. But when our thinking shifts—whether it’s to wine, meditation, or something else—we feel better.

The problem is that we’re often chasing calm in the outside world, believing it can fix what we’re feeling inside. But calm isn’t out there.

Peace Is Already Within

The truth is, peace is our natural state. It’s always there, underneath the noise of our thoughts.

But we’ve built a whole system around trying to chase away uncomfortable emotions. And it’s causing so much harm—to us, to others, and even to the planet.

What if we stopped chasing and started seeing that our emotions are safe? They can’t hurt us. They’re just energy moving through the body.

A Simple Shift

When we feel stirred up, the answer isn’t in the outside world. It’s not in a glass of wine or a meditation session. The answer is in pausing, breathing, and reconnecting with what’s true.

Feel your feet on the floor. Notice your breath. Be with the emotion, without trying to fix it.

That’s it. That’s the shift.

Breaking the Cycle

For a long time, I thought I couldn’t function without meditating every day. I believed I needed it to feel okay. But now I see that when we use anything—wine, meditation, or anything else—to chase calm, it becomes just another addiction.

These days, I meditate only when I feel like it—not to fix myself, but because it’s something I enjoy. When we let go of chasing calm, we discover that it’s already there, waiting for us to notice it.

The Thriving Woman Approach

In The Thriving Woman Approach, we’re exploring what’s true about being human. We’re diving into the truth of who we are and seeing how much time and energy we’ve spent chasing something that was never lost.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore The Thriving Woman Masterclass.

Much love,

Clare ❤

calmstressburnoutinner peacemediatation
Clare is passionate about empowering high-achieving Gen X women to break free from stress, overthinking, and perfectionism. Through her transformational courses, group programs, and bespoke 1:1 coaching, she guides women on a journey toward emotional resilience, inner alignment, and authentic connection. Her unique "Thriving Woman" approach helps women shift from feeling overwhelmed and disconnected to living with clarity, balance, and self-worth. Participants learn to release self-doubt, embrace imperfections, and reconnect with their true values. They go from striving for external validation to confidently making decisions aligned with their deepest purpose. Women who work with Clare experience real, lasting changes—they feel more grounded and calmer, confidently set boundaries, and navigate life’s challenges with grace. They stop overthinking and gain mental clarity, creating space for meaningful relationships and self-care. Her clients find themselves thriving in both their personal and professional lives, no longer driven by perfectionism but by a sense of inner peace and authentic self-expression. Imagine living a life where you lead with confidence, maintain emotional balance, and embrace your worth without hesitation. This is what is possible with the Thriving Woman Approach.

Clare Downham

Clare is passionate about empowering high-achieving Gen X women to break free from stress, overthinking, and perfectionism. Through her transformational courses, group programs, and bespoke 1:1 coaching, she guides women on a journey toward emotional resilience, inner alignment, and authentic connection. Her unique "Thriving Woman" approach helps women shift from feeling overwhelmed and disconnected to living with clarity, balance, and self-worth. Participants learn to release self-doubt, embrace imperfections, and reconnect with their true values. They go from striving for external validation to confidently making decisions aligned with their deepest purpose. Women who work with Clare experience real, lasting changes—they feel more grounded and calmer, confidently set boundaries, and navigate life’s challenges with grace. They stop overthinking and gain mental clarity, creating space for meaningful relationships and self-care. Her clients find themselves thriving in both their personal and professional lives, no longer driven by perfectionism but by a sense of inner peace and authentic self-expression. Imagine living a life where you lead with confidence, maintain emotional balance, and embrace your worth without hesitation. This is what is possible with the Thriving Woman Approach.

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